Only 16 More Days Until School Starts (or...will I go completely insane before August 29th??!!)

I LOVE my children! Anyone who knows me will know that this is true. Yet any mother will also tell you that August is the LONGEST month of the year. The kids have been out of school for 2 months. We have made the rounds in town, repeatedly visiting the library, pool, beach, chuck e cheese, Kids Coulee, the bowling alley, the movie theater, etc, etc.... We have played baseball, golf, Frisbee golf, gone fishing, practiced archery, etc, etc... I am so tired...tired of making lunch for them every day, tired of telling them "No...you can't play Wii all day", tired of listening to whining (sometimes I just go outside and sit on my front steps so my ears can have a rest).

My husband doesn't understand this because he gets to leave the house for 12 hours EVERY DAY!! Even on the days that I work (6-10am), I often get home and my kids are still asleep. That means I have to make sure they get dressed, eat breakfast, pick up,  eat lunch, play nicely together, don't fry their brains out on screens of every kind, and make dinner (all before he gets home). I recently read a hilarious story that goes along with this picture

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.  

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?' She again smiled and answered, 'You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?' 'Yes,' was his incredulous reply. She answered, 'Well, today I didn't do it.'

I would totally love to do this someday...except that I have tried that approach...and it DOESN'T work. My husband doesn't care if the house is dirty. He will eat off a dirty plate if there are no clean ones in the dishwasher. I'm pretty sure he would wear the same black pants to work every day for two weeks if I didn't wash them (don't get me wrong...he helps a lot around the house...but we have a different idea of what a "clean" house looks like). Sometimes I leave little "tests" around the house for him (just to entertain myself...I know that he will fail them...after 11 years of marriage I know that I can't change him). I once left a cup of chocolate milk (half full from one of the kids) on the landing to our steps for 8 days. EIGHT DAYS!! He had to walk by that cup EVERY DAY at least FOUR times. Did it ever occur to him to pick it up and take it downstairs??!! Of course not. It reminds me of one of my favorite episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond. I'm sure you have all had similar stand-offs in your house.

So, as this summer winds down, I am trying to enjoy the time I have with my kids. I am organizing their clothes, buying school supplies and school shoes, and sometimes...I am sitting on my front step with a nice, cold beer at 3:00 in the afternoon!!